From 4 To 9, It's Better Than 9 To 5

The last time

This is either the last time I’ll say this or one of many times I will say this: There is a lot of refining that needs to happen still but here are the pages. I’m going to keep my comments brief and let you just take a look at what’s on the pages here.

Leaving off

I went back and forth a little about whether or not to show that last page. There are only a couple lines. But I did tell you I would let you see the full progress as we went along and I think there’s something valuable to see. Notice that I didn’t stop work after finishing a scene. I ended right as a scene begins. I know what’s going to happen in this scene. I could probably write the scene right now and it would be fine. I’m actually looking forward to writing the scene. It’s going to be fun. That’s why I quit work at that point.

Quit while you’re ahead

I quit work at a point where I’m excited to return. I know what’s going to happen and I just need to put it on paper. This will help me get going when I come back to it later. It will help jump-start my next writing session so that I can push forward more quickly. If I had stopped at a point where I wasn’t sure what to write or at a point where I was tired and not feeling as excited about the script it would be far harder to get going next time.

Moving right along

We’re now 9 pages into the script. I told you it would be pretty fast. Next time we’ll be looking at more pages and I might even skip the color commentary. We’ll see.

Let me know what you think of the script so far in the comments. Share some ideas if you like. It would be really fun to get your ideas about the script as it is so far.

Let The Trolling Begin!

Thus it begins

I bet you didn’t think we were actually going to see any script pages. You probably thought I was going to keep teasing you with the promise of pages but never deliver. Well here they are, in all their poorly written glory.

Warning!

I’m going to say this so that it’s said and hopefully it won’t have to come up again.

All work here is original work. I have not begged, borrowed, or stolen any work for this blog. I expect you to do the same. If you steal any of this and call it your own you are an unpleasant person. I’m easy to contact and will happily work with you if you have a desire to use any of this work. Don’t be that guy.

Tally ho!

With that out of the way let’s take a look at the first four pages of the script.

The future

Already I can see that this is going to need some work to refine. The set up dialog bits take too long and lack punch. Harlan is a little bland. The monster scene isn’t clear enough.

For the graphically minded

If you look at the pages you’ll see that the first two pages have a sort of rhythm between dialog and description. This is usually a good thing. It gives the page an inviting texture. The third and fourth pages are a series of one or two line segments. This isn’t so inviting. It makes the page look monotonous. Remember that we want people to read the script. When you look at a page that isn’t graphically inviting it makes it that much easier to stop reading.

Language issues

Using the proper tense in a script is important. It should be written in the present tense. The characters do things rather than did something. There are a few instances of being less active than I would like here.

For example on page 3 the fifth action line reads “The metal mass begins to writhe and take shape.” What does it look like to begin doing something? Something is either happening or it isn’t. What do you look like when you begin walking that is all that different than walking? The line should read “The metal mass writhes and takes shape.” This is a more active statement. We’ll be looking for more opportunities to improve word choices when we start the second draft.

First draft baby!

This is the first draft. I’ll probably continue to review the pages with you and let you know what I think is wrong with them but I won’t be rewriting them now. Instead I’m going to keep going and write the next set of pages. I’m going to keep the forward momentum knowing that I’ll be coming back to these pages to rewrite them in the very near future.

What do you think of the first 4 pages of the script? Not worth the wait? A complete and utter waste of time doomed to failure? There’s a hint of possibility after another dozen drafts or so? It’s brilliant and I should burn the computer because nothing will ever be more perfect than this? Let me know your thoughts. Even if it’s to point out the typo on page 4.

Next time: More pages!

VHS Vs. Betamax

I’ma let you finish

Now that we’re finally going to be looking at actual script pages I think it’s important for us to discuss format. Script format is extremely important.

What a script is not

Scripts are not prose. They have descriptive language and should be interesting to read but they are not books. A script is not a literary work intended for publication. A script is not a free form poem. Scripts should show an economy of language that communicates as much information in as few words as possible like poetry but must be clear and (relatively) simple.

What a script is

A script is a blue print for a movie. A script describes the key elements of a visual story. Would you build a house using blue prints drawn in crayon on a napkin? No, you would want actual blue prints drawn by an architect. An architect can look at blue prints and know if the structure will be sound. A script is the same. The script needs to be formatted like a script so that those reading it know if they’re building it correctly or if it can be built at all.

Format is more important than you think

Why is format important? If the story is good then it doesn’t matter right? I’ve read a lot of scripts. I’ve read scripts written by great and renowned professionals and young filmmakers just starting their journey. I say this with complete confidence: The scripts that are incorrectly formatted are weak stories. This has held true without variation. Why is that the case? When I look at a script that is formatted incorrectly it tells me 2 things right off the bat. First, the writer probably doesn’t understand the medium they are working with. Second, this person likely doesn’t have a firm grasp on the basics of storytelling. These two things have, in my experience, been true in every case.

No one wants to read your script

It’s true, until you’ve built a reputation for yourself as a good writer, no one wants to read your script. Even with a good reputation people still don’t really want to read your script. They’re busy. They have their own projects. Time is a valuable commodity and spending it reading a script, even a good one, is hard to justify. Especially when it’s likely to be a bad script. If your script is incorrectly formatted it’s the first and only excuse they need to not read it. It’s an uphill battle, don’t give them such an easy excuse to skip the script.

Comparison time

For the sake of comparison let’s take a look at the same scene in three different formats. The first two are the most common bad script formats that I’ve seen.

Example 1:

Sal walked into the bar and nodded to the bartender. “I’m looking for Darby O’Gill.” Sal says.

The Bartender pointed to the corner and replied “He’s over there with the little people.”

Example 2:

Int. BAR – Night

Sal walks into the bar and nods to the bartender.

Sal: I’m looking for Darby O’Gill.

Bartender: He’s over there with the little people.

Example 3:

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Sal walks into the bar and nods to the bartender.

                                                 

                                                 SAL

                        I’m looking for Darby O’Gill.

                                               

                                                BARTENDER

                        He’s over there with the little people.

Each scene is essentially the same. What’s the difference?

Example 1: This example is a weird mix between prose and screenplay.

What’s wrong with it? No slug line to identify basic location information. It’s told in the past tense. A script is immediate. You’re describing actions that are taking place now, not actions that took place in the past. Words ending with ed shouldn’t exist in your scene descriptions. The dialog and actions aren’t separate. The reader should be able to easily differentiate dialog from description at a glance. Quotation marks are too small and disappear on the page.

Example 2: Slightly better, and easily the most common bad format I’ve seen. It’s what people think a screenplay looks like who have never seen a screenplay. The action line and dialog are separate lines. The dialog is preceded by the name of the person speaking. No quotation marks. It even has a slug line. Well, an attempt at a slug line. Can you spot the slug line errors? First to post the error in the comments gets a smiley face in response!

What’s wrong with it? Even though the description of action and dialog are separate elements on the page it’s still difficult to distinguish between a line of dialog and a line of description at a glance. The character name and the dialog are kind of mushy and blend together visually. Remember, you want the reader to be able to glance at the page and know what they’re looking at without thinking about it.

Example 3: This is proper format. The slug line is written correctly. The action line describes the scene and important actions quickly and concisely. The character speaking and their dialog is easily identified at a glance. The character’s name over the dialog is in CAPS. Everything is simple, clean, and you know what you’re looking at based on where it is on the page. Dialog is in the center with a big bold name over it so we know who’s talking. Actions and descriptions are left justified.

It’s easy

Format is actually extremely simple. It’s made even more simple by using screenwriting software such as Final Draft, Movie Magic, or Celtx. These are the big three currently. I prefer Final Draft but really one is about as good as the other. Celtx is free and I’ve heard it can be buggy and have awkward formatting. But it’s free and probably getting better every day. If you’re serious about writing a screenplay, or even just kind of interested just try Celtx out and save yourself the hassle of figuring out specific format measurements.

But Final Draft has like a dozen different script formats!?!?!?!

Yes, there are different script formats. There’s the side by side format with audio on one side and video descriptions on the other. There’s a broadway musical format. There’s a format for stageplays, TV dramas, Sitcoms, and on and on. We’re writing a screenplay. The format for screenplays is relatively universal.

I heard somewhere that you should…

Yes, there are lots of variations and flavor of the week additions to screenplay format out there. You might be told you should always start with the character name at the beginning of a description. Or maybe you should always have three lines of description per scene. These tend to be something people saw in one successfully sold script and want to apply to all scripts. The basic format that I’ve described and that you’ll find in one of those programs will be remain the same regardless.

Bottom line

In the end screenplay format is pretty simple. A slug line, action lines, and centered dialog. Capitalize the slug line and character names the first time they appear in the script and in the header for dialog. Transitions such as FADE IN: and FADE OUT: are capitalized and right justified. And that’s pretty much it.

Next time we’ll take a look at the first few pages of the script, maybe talk about format again (it’s actually that important), and probably discuss the mistakes I’ve already made.

The Season Recap (Catch Up Here)

I’m not stalling

We’re finally there. We’ve made it through the prep work and we’re ready to start writing the script. Before I start on the first scene it’s helpful to review my notes to be good and prepared. Usually I would just jump right in but for your sake dear reader let’s make sure we’re all on the same page.

Maybe I’m stalling a little bit

Here are the beat sheets so you can take a look at the outline. It’s still a rough, loose outline. There’s not a lot of detail but it should let you know what happens and when it happens so you can follow along on the rest of the process more easily.

 

In a nut shell

Here’s the (sort of) quick pitch of the story (as it is right now):

Harlan’s life is stalled. He has a dead end job, a wife he doesn’t get along with, and a son he doesn’t understand. His only escape is his incredibly vivid and active imagination. After he’s fired his friend Nathan convinces him to road trip to the geek convention known as Nerdtacular. A series of misadventures end with an accident that leaves Harlan in a coma. When he comes to he’s convinced that making it to Nertacular is the most important thing in the world. Harlan slips in and out of his fantasy world more and more as he and Nathan make their way to the convention. Harlan’s quest ends in a delirious fantasy battle against robots, ninjas, and monsters when he tries to get into Nerdtacular. He succumbs to his injuries and is back in the hospital. After a fight with his wife that would end his marriage and cut him off from his son he realizes his mistake and sets out to put things right. In the end Harlan proves to his wife and son how far he’s willing to go for his family.

You caught me

Maybe I am stalling a little here. Even if that’s true it’s a good idea to review your work at the end of each step. It will help you to stay on target with your themes and characters and often lead to new ideas. Be careful not to get too wrapped up in a review, add new idea, review, add new idea loop. Keep moving forward. There will be time to go back later. Finish the script before you rethink too much.

Same time, same place

I’ll be back in a few days for a new post. Will it be the first pages of the script? Probably not. We’re going to sidetrack just a little and talk about format. But don’t worry. Once this thing is started the pages will come fast enough to keep us all busy.

If you’re enjoying the blog let me know in the comments. If you hate the blog let me know in the comments. If you’re indifferent you probably won’t bother but you can still let me know in the comments. Share the blog with your friends. Share it with your enemies. Share it with people you don’t know.

Help Me Christopher Walken, You're My Only Hope

Teamwork

Thanks to the help of my adorable wife I was able to get caught up and the note cards are now completed. The script is practically written at this point. Well, aside from the writing the script part. I have to say; the second half of this movie is going to be sweet! I mean it. I absolutely want to make this movie. It would be so much fun. Here are a few of the highlights of what’s new.

Star power

When Harlan and Nathan find themselves at the Celebrity Impersonator training compound they meet a Christopher Walken impersonator. Walken joins them for the rest of the journey. At first I just needed an interesting celebrity character. Walken being on the top of my list of actors I want to work with he was the clear choice. Then, once that character was in the script I just couldn’t get rid of him. He might go away later in the process, but right now I’m excited about a Chris Walken impersonator.

Steal from the best

Once they reach Nerdtacular I thought it would be cool to do a huge matrix style battle to get inside. That fight in the lobby. You know the one. It’s all in Harlan’s imagination so why not have it be a reference to an iconic sci-fi battle. The battle culminates in a showdown between Harlan and Nathan. I figure it needs to be a lightsaber fight. In the beat sheet this whole thing was described in two beats. The first was “They arrive at Nerdtacular. Harlan imagines it as a sneak into the death star sort of scenario.” The second was “Nathan tries to talk some sense into Harlan. Harlan thinks Nathan is under the control of the imaginary bad guys.” Those two notes in the beat sheet allowed me to know what has to happen and move on when I laid out the beats. Now I’ve come back and planned that part in more detail.

Hit the road Jack

In the beats, Harlan leaves Nathan behind for the climactic third act. He heads off on his own to find his family. Doing the note cards I felt like Nathan had earned a part in the resolution. Sure, Nathan sort of kidnapped Harlan and enabled him to almost kill himself after being hit by a car, but I think Nathan can support his friend in doing the right thing also. It’s not really a change of character for Nathan either. All along Nathan acts like he’s helping Harlan, in the end he actually will. So now, at the end, Harlan will escape from the hospital (again) to find his family with Nathan and Christopher Walken helping.

Beats to cards

You might be wondering how I got from the notes in the beat sheets to the notes on the cards. (probably not) It’s a pretty simple process. As I worked on the cards I had the beat sheet in front of me. I would look at a note or two on the beat sheet so I knew where I was in the story and what needed to happen. Let’s look at a few beats from act 3 and the process and cards that came from those notes.

Beat sheet says:

• ·      They end up at a school for celebrity impersonators. Is this fantasy or reality?
• ·      If they don’t leave tonight they’ll miss Nerdtacular completely.
• ·      They try to leave just when the FBI surrounds the compound. Fantasy or reality? Is that just a sheriff’s deputy looking for the guys who ditched a car a few miles up the road?
• ·      They have to sneak out in the middle of the night. They steal a van from the carpool.

I grab a note card and start. Interior or exterior? Exterior will be good because I want to show that it’s a compound. Location? Celebrity Impersonator Training Compound. What happens? They arrive at the celebrity impersonator compound and A Chris Walken impersonator gives them a tour. (Because Chris Walken is awesome) There’s dialog that I don’t want to forget: “No Elvis.”

That first note card would look like this:

Ext. Compound – Day

They arrive at the celebrity impersonator compound.

A Chris Walken gives them a tour.

“No Elvis”

What happens next? Well, they can’t just go right to the escape that night. I also thought that waiting until night would take too long. I decided they should have breakfast with the impersonators. That would be a fun scene. What’s the worst that could happen? The police show up and they have to sneak away. They have no car so they have to steal a van. But Chris Walken catches them. Maybe Walken wants to go with them? Yes please!

The next 2 cards looks like this:

Int. Cafeteria – Day

They have breakfast with impersonators. Harlan sees a cop show up. They slip out.

Ext Compound – Day

They steal a van (does walken go with them?) and hit the road.

In 3 cards we went through 4 beats. Time got compressed. Instead of spending almost a full day at the compound we leave within an hour or so (a minute or two of screen time). This should serve to keep the pressure and sense of urgency going for this second half.  It doesn’t always work like this thought. Later, when they arrive at Nerdtacular, there are 3 beats to describe arriving, entering, and leaving Nerdtacular. In the note cards it came to 7 note cards. Remember the beats just tell you what ball park you should be in when you plot out the scenes so this isn’t unusual.

Too much

I want to try to keep these posts to one simple idea rather than going on and on. So the simple idea today is how to use the beat sheet as a reference as you plot out each scene on your note cards.

Next week we’ll probably have the first few pages of script written. I’m excited. What about you?

It Tastes Like Old Fish

Progress

Progress is good. It feels good to make progress. Even a little bit of progress. I will now attempt to fit progress into every sentence in this post. I have progressed with the note cards up to the mid point of Act 2. I can’t figure out how to fit progress into anything else. That didn’t last long. Here are the notable changes and additions to the story as the note cards have come together.

Spies like us

Harlan gets a job interview. He gets the job and is taken to a spy control center to start work to save the world. In reality he bombs the interview and gets fired when he gets to work. In order to make sure Harlan is an active part of the story these scenes will have to contain obvious turning points where he could change the outcome. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the script.

80’s movie fun

Harlan has to find a job and it’s a depressing, mind numbing experience. I added a sequence where he helps a random person who then offers him his dream job because he’s such a good guy. This is a major movie trope and I think it’s something everyone has dreamed of. This will be a nice way to remind the audience that this movie isn’t supposed to have the “movie” outcomes to everything.

You can put your weed in there

Early in their journey to Nerdtacular Nathan’s car breaks down on the side of the road in the middle of the night. They have to set out on foot to find help. Rather than just have them head off into the forest randomly I thought it would be good to give them clear motivation for leaving the main road. To do that they’ll see a light through the trees and decide that’s their best bet for help. They’ll find themselves in the middle of a big pot growing farm. Nathan points out that Hippies are cool and the worst they’ll do is offer him some weed. Instead they get shot at and chased through the forest.

The song remains the same

The rest of the story progresses essentially the same as in the beats with a few minor tweaks not really worth getting into detail about.

Your thoughts

If I’m able to carve out a few extra hours over the next 48 hours I will probably be able to get through to the end of the note card process so we can start writing the script proper for next week. That would be nice. In the mean time let’s hear your thoughts about the story as you see it so far. Does it feel obvious? Are you interested in what’s happening? Does the pot farm seem too contrived or obvious?

A Nutritious Part Of This Complete Breakfast

Power Post

I have a confession to make. I haven’t finished the note cards for the script. I’m only just finishing the cards for the first act. Lame. It seems like I should be further along than that. But life is busy. Birthdays, side projects, and a 1-year-old kid will take up all your time. Just the 1-year-old kid is enough. With that being the case I’m going for a super fast post today. Here are a few quick updates about the script, because I have made some progress.

What happens in Act 1? I forget.

Okay, we’ve talked about Act 1 and what has to happen. We have to introduce the main character, what they want, and set up the problem. Laying out the first act scene by scene hasn’t been as simple as repeating the descriptions from the beat sheet. The beat sheet just tells us the main points we have to hit. Going scene by scene you have to consider how each thing leads to the next and what new information you’re revealing. There are scenes we covered in the beat sheet such as the scene with the metal monster in the hardware shop or the scene with his wife at dinner. These scenes tell us about Harlan’s imaginary world and how it works and his relationship with his family respectively. Both are crucial bits of information. But I’ve also need to come up with scenes that weren’t in the beat sheet. These scenes will develop the character more fully in the first act and happen between the major beats of the plot. I’m coming up with these scenes as I write the cards rather than adding them to the beat sheet.

What’s next…

I started with the scene with the metal monster in the hardware store. I thought that was a great scene to start us off. It’s big and bombastic and tells the audience exactly what kind of movie they’re going to be watching. It also gives us a chance to meet Harlan in the best light. In that scene he’s heroic and pro active. In real life he’s sad, lonely, and barely reactive. The next scene is his real life at work where he’s low man on the totem pole in a job he doesn’t like and isn’t cut out for. Then we meet his family and see his messy home life. Things progressed pretty much as written in the beat sheet until I realized that each scene just made Harlan seem more sad, down trodden, and ultimately uninteresting. That’s when I realized that the first scene shows us how he imagines himself. Then we see some scenes of how he is. I decided we needed some scenes to show us who he could be. These scenes should remind the audience that he’s someone worth spending time with. I added a scene where he unintentionally flirts with a woman. He’s charming and witty in that casual way a confident person can be without ever realizing he’s flirting. We get to see who he could be. I also added a new scene with his wife and son. They get in a 3-way argument that ends with the son storming out and his wife obviously needing his help. Harlan just walks away. We get a good reminder of his family dysfunctions.

How to get there

Like I mentioned before, each scene needs to reveal new information. This information should further the plot or develop the character, preferably both at the same time. Every time I hit a point where I knew I needed a new scene I would consider what I could reveal about Harlan in that scene. For example I needed the scene with Harlan and his friends playing a roleplaying game. I knew that would be happening but what did that reveal about Harlan? Well it’s a great chance to show how his friends see him and react to him. In that scene we also get to see how Nathan sees Harlan and why he would want to take him on this road trip. Is the plot advanced? Check. Do we learn something about the character? Yep. Next scene please.

Quit while you’re ahead

It’s difficult to make progress on a project especially when life is busy and you have to fit it in between diaper changes, work, and all those other obligations. Even without the obligations you have to stop to eat and sleep. One of the best tricks I’ve learned for keeping up momentum is to quit while I’m ahead. When I’m working and things are flowing it’s really hard to stop. I like to power through until I hit that “what the heckfire happens next?” roadblock. It’s such an easy place to stop. I don’t know what will happen next so I should walk away and let it percolate right? NO! Don’t stop there! Seriously. Stop one scene before that roadblock. You can see it coming while you’re writing so stop when you know what happens next. You should probably stop right before you write that really exciting scene you’ve got planned. When you do that it’s easier to get back into it when you return. If it’s a scene you’re looking forward to writing it’s even better because you’re excited to get back to it. Always quit when you know what happens next. Right in the middle of a scene or sentence if you have to. It will be far easier to get back into the “zone” if you stop in the middle of the zone than at the end. Let that momentum carry through to your next writing session.

Get it on paper

Yeah, I really am still writing those note cards. I’ve noticed I’m not following my own advice and I have to remind myself to just get it on paper. As I start to consider what scene to jot down next I often think, “that scene is lame” or “that scene is so average”. I found myself thinking the scene where Harlan gets berated by his boss is boring and over used. How can I make that more interesting? But I have to remind myself that it’s just a note. I can find a more interesting way to do that later. Remember to write the bad version first and move on. You’ll write the good version later.

Thanks for joining me for another post in this crazy experiment. Hope you’re enjoying it.

Next time we’ll see how far I’ve gotten in those note cards and what other thing I can ramble about.

This Post Will Self Destruct In 10 Seconds

My writer brain cells need more RAM

That side project I mentioned last week has been taking up all my writing time so I don’t have any substantial updates on Harlan’s story at the moment. But even with that project taking up the majority of my story creating brain cells I’ve been thinking a lot about the opening scene for Harlan. So lets talk beginnings.

Get it while it’s hot

The conventional wisdom is that you’ve got about 10 minutes to draw your audience in before they’re done and ready to move on. I think that number is too high. You probably only have about 10 seconds. With the availability of internet streaming entertainment and other forms of entertainment such as video games and whatnot your audience has plenty to do and see. If you don’t get them in those first few seconds they’ll go somewhere else.

Gone in 10 seconds

In today’s movie market a theatrical release isn’t where the audience is found or where the money is made. Both of those are found at home on the couch. Your movie will be seen by more eyes on netflix, youtube, DVD, and BluRay. This means that if they aren’t almost instantly interested in your movie it’s as simple as the push of a button to move on to something else. That’s why I say 10 seconds.

Cut to the chase

The old saying “cut to the chase” probably (I refuse to research this to confirm) from movies. When things start getting slow you lose your audience so cut to the chase. People don’t actually need 10 minutes of set up before they can understand why the secret agent is chasing the villain. They just need to know the villain has the bomb. Often they don’t even need to know that before the chase starts. James Bond movies usually start right in the middle of a chase. If you can find a way to do the equivalent with your introspective Victorian romance you’re well on your way.

For example

Let’s take a quick look at the first few seconds of some pre internet movies and see how they hold up to the 10 second rule. You’re sitting on your couch in your boxers trying to ignore the globs of taco bell sauce dripping down your shirt while you browse through the Netflix streaming options. You pause at something called “Star Wars”. You think to yourself “That title took a lot of imagination.” Then you press play because you think it might be a behind the scenes look at Dancing With the Stars. A bunch of words scroll across the screen that you don’t read because your big gulp almost spilled on your keyboard. But then a giant space ship flies across the screen shooting lasers at a smaller space ship. In those few seconds you’re either in or out. You either turn it off and look for the real Dancing With the Stars or hope it’s better than Starcrash. In those first few seconds you’ve been told you’re watching a movie where big space ships shoot lasers at little space ships. If you don’t like it you should get out now. At least that’s what the viewer will be thinking.

You’ll know it when you see it

Those first few seconds are crucial. Your movie isn’t likely to have a huge advertising push behind it like Iron Man 42: The Answering. Instead your movie is more likely to be that one people happen to find while searching the web. Whether this is good or not isn’t really the issue. That’s just the way it is. So take advantage of those first few seconds and tell people what they’re about to watch. If you take 5 minutes to show an ice cube melting before we get into the story you’re really only going to get viewers who like watching ice melt.

If you don’t like it get out

For Harlan’s story I’ve got to take those first few seconds to make sure the audience knows what they’re about to watch. They need to know it’s going to be an adventure with great big monsters and if you don’t like great big monsters in your adventures then move on to something else.

That’s what I’ve been pondering and I think I’ve got it nailed down for Harlan. What about you? What do you think? Do you think viewers will give it more time at home?

Next time let’s hope we can get back to a little quality time with Harlan. If not I’ll come up with something else to ramble about.